COAT HANGER TIME: RIGHT WING EXTREMISTS BAN ABORTION
Looks like it's back to the coat hangers for our daughters - the right-wing religious zealots have passed a partial birth abortion ban. Now watch as the bodies pile up from botched back-alley abortions, all thanks to Bush and his big oil baron bible thumpers who want to control our bodies. Since Dumbya declared an end to military operations aboard an aircraft carrier on May 1, the religious nuts have waged a war on the Bill of Rights. From our 1st amendment Protection against Religion, to our 4th amendment Right to Terminate an Unwanted Pregnancy, Hitler Ashcroft and his goose-stepping, cat-hating cronies have been shredding the Constitution like so much um...shredded paper...and stuff. The right-wing spin machine, with its scare mongering depictions of babies getting their brains sucked out while still alive, has turned a beautiful moment in a young woman's liberation from white male hegemony into a brutal, monstrous act. With their deluded crusade to protect an imaginary "right-to-life", the right-to-lifers have trampled over the right-to-choose, and the right-to-die, and the right-to-choose-to-die. Shame! SHAAAAAAME! I'd sell my 17 degrees in gender studies to see the Bush twins get pregnant, then forced to carry the squirming fetuses inside them to term as punishment for their father's fascist fiddling with reproductive rights.
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CB-SS PULLS PLUG ON RAYGUN EXPOSE
CB-SS boss and right-wing extremist Les Moonves, who gets his orders straight from Geedumbya, has pulled the plug on the much anticipated expose' on President Reagan and her husband, Ronnie. WHY? Because they're afraid people will learn the truth about what a bumbling moron and evil dictator Raygun was, that's why. For instance, it's a well known fact that Raygun hated gays and wanted them all to die in screaming pain from AIDS. Yet the vast-right wing controlled media is in an uproar about a scene in the movie where Nancy begs Raygun to free up money for life-saving programs like Condoms for Tots and NPR. Raygun replies with a meniacal laugh and the words "He that lives in sin, shall die in sin. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go put flowers on Hitler's grave." No one denies that there may be a little Hollywood hyperbole involved with the historical facts, but can any of us dispute that the scene accurately captures the essence of Raygun's disinterest in the AIDS epidemic?
Another scene that caused the Christian right to soil their chastity belts depicts Raygun tackling an elderly woman to the ground, tearing her social security check from her arthritis-stricken hands, and roaring "BEHOLD! I AM THE ANTI-CHRIST! ALL SHALL WORSHIP ME AND DESPAIR!!!!" while laser beams shoot from his eyes. Once again, there may have been some liberties taken with historical facts in this scene, but let's not pick at open sores. The eighties were a time of unparalled human suffering - the likes the world had not seen since the dark ages, all thanks to Raygunomics. Complaining that Raygun is portrayed unfairly because of a couple of instances of artistic embroiderly is like calling the "Hitler" miniseries a "hatchet job" because Der Fuhrer's mustache was crooked.
I urge all progressive-thinking Americans to write Les Moonves at CB-SS to demand that the Raygun expose' air on schedule and in its entirety. We cannot allow another generation to grow up without knowing the REAL TRUTH about the most evil man of the 20th century.
BUSH NO COMPASSIONATE CONSERVATIVE
All through Geedumbya's campaign, he promised us that he would be a "compassionate conservative", but I have yet to receive a single dime from the government. Where's my check, Dubya? As AWOL as you during Vietnam, no doubt.
Now before you right wing extremists drop your bibles and fire off some hate mail - yes, I did get my measly $300 tax "refund". But that just got charged to my next year's taxes, and some poor child went without food for a month just to toss me that crummy bone. That's why I sent my "refund" right back to the DNC, where it would be used to help install more progressive rulers who understand that money in the hands of the masses is wasted on the wealthy.
BUSH CAUSES SOLAR FLARES
Now that most Americans know for certain that George Bush caused the recent solar flares in order to set California ablaze and scorch New York (both states that voted against him in 2000), and to distract the ignorant masses from the river of GI corpses coming home from Iraq since Bush declared an end to combat operations (to steal Iraq's oil) aboard the USS Lincoln last May so Halliburton could start raking in the loot, it's time to hold house negro Clarence Thomas personally responsible for appointing Bush to the presidency and throwing the world into darkness. The next time your grandma dies from gangrene because the air is so polluted, thank Gee-Dumbya and his tax cuts for the rich, not to mention his republican cronies who destroyed the budget surplus President Clinton bestowed upon us.
Ahhh...those were the good ol days, weren't they? There were no poor, no homeless...the streets were literally blanketed with 20 dollars bills as if Clinton
had ordered them dropped from planes. In fact, I am pretty sure he did order them dropped from planes, but Hitler Gingrich put a stop to it. Can't have any of those pheasants gettin' rich now, can we Newt? Now half the country is unemployed, the other half is in prison, and the rest are all in secret concentration camps because they checked out a library book that Adolf Ashcroft didn't like. All this because Clinton fibbed about having a little trist.
Conservatives are such hatemongering haters - and anyone who thinks otherwise is a nazi who wants children to starve.