BlameBush
12/04/2003
 
TREES HATE BUSH, TOO
A little over a month ago, I revealed on this blog how Bush caused the California wildfires with his refusal to sign on to Kyoto. Now we know why.

Just yesterday, Bush signed the most radical extremist forest eradication bill in American history. The oxymoronic "Healthy Forests" bill will allow timber companies to thin forested areas under the assinine claim that there will be less forest fires if there's less forest to burn. But the timber companies will only take the healthy trees, and leave the dead, dry ones behind. I'm not a genius like Geedubya, but that seems a little counter productive if you ask me. A thin forest full of dead trees is going to burn twice as hot as a thick forest full of live ones..

Of course, Bush knows all that. He actually wants more forest fires, so he can have an excuse to do more logging. He won't be happy until all of California is a barren moonscape, populated by evil terminator robots. If you think I'm crazy, just look at who's in the Governor's Mansion.

12/02/2003
 
One Dead in O-Hi-O
Looks like the Blue Gestapo has beaten to death another black man, this time in Cincinatti. Five of the six officers who beat the black man to death were white (and the one black officer was an Uncle Tom), which raises the question: Why?

Why did this gentle giant have to die? He wasn't hurting anyone. Sure, he was crawling around on all fours and barking like a dog, but that's Freedom of Speech. And maybe he took a swing at an officer, but it never would have happened if the fascists hadn't provoked him. Any Idiot knows that when you see someone rolling in the grass and screaming "NINETEEEEEN!!! NINETEEEEEN!" you should just leave him be. But the cops couldn't do that, could they? They had to strut on in and beat this poor, jolly, huggy bear of a guy to death with their wooden penis extensions.

Furthermore, while attempting to arrest a black person, why don't they bring in a squad of black officers to subdue the suspect? It only makes sense. They have female officers search female suspects, don't they? Why not apply the same philosophy to race?

This whole thing smacks of White Privilege to me. Jesse Jackson needs to get to Cincinatti right now and lay down some righteous rhymes so my brothers can rustle up some free VCR's in the name of racial justice.

12/01/2003
 
Dubya's Thanksgiving Folly
Boy was I surprised when I crawled out from under my sink after the Thanksgiving holiday to learn that Dubya had ditched friends & family to pester the troops in Baghdad. The Bushies are saying he did it to boost morale and show his resolve to "stay the course" in Iraq, but we know better than that. Rove was trying to one-up Sen. Clinton, who spent her Thanksgiving in the trenches with our troops in Afghanistan, the Land that Bush Forgot.

To Rove's ultimate dismay, Hillary's trip was far more sincere, as she squatted in a foxhole and dined on c-rations with the grunts while Dumbya gorged on roast turkey with military brass in an air-conditioned Bagdhad Airport ballroom. Later, while Bush was napping on Air Force One, Hillary was crawling on her belly under a barbed-wire barricade to shake hands with 30 homesick GI's, who were just about to commit suicide until the good senator arrived to lift their spirits.

"Hillary is here," exclaimed one national reservist. "We can live again!"

While the battle-weary soldiers gathered in a circle around the tough, yet demure and graceful senator, she regaled them with good news from the states, such as the legalization of gay marriage in Massachussetts, the abolition of the Ten Commandments from county courthouses, and the removal of the words "under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance.

"It helps to know what we're fighting for," said an excited troop.

But Hillary's trip into the war zone wasn't all shits & giggles. She was there on business as well, and after only a few short hours in Afghanistan, she was able to conclude that our troops would fight much better if they put on baby blue helmets and took their orders from Kofi Annan.

"In Iraq, I still think the administration should internationalize the military, political, civilian presence," she said. "And that means to go to the United Nations, to go to NATO and to go to other willing allies and be willing to share the authority and power as well as the responsibility."

That sort of foreign policy brainpower doesn't grow on trees in Texas, boys and girls!



Powered by Blogger