Braun Gone
Just when I was about to endorse Carol Mosely-Braun for president, she goes and drops out of the race. It's too bad, because she would have gone all the way. But there's still hope - maybe Dean will choose her as his running mate, and then she can run as an incumbent in 2012. It would be a brilliant move on Dean's part - he'd have a black Vice President, whereas Bush doesn't have any African Americans at all in his cabinet.

So now I have to decide who I am going to endorse all over again. Dean's a Man of the People, but he's a little too weak on taxation, vowing only to repeal Bush's silly tax cuts. I'm impressed by Kucinich's progressive "Tax the Shit Out of Everyone" platform, but his name rhymes with "spinach" and we already have one vegetable in the White House. I like Gephardt's gusto, but a man without eyebrows cannot be trusted. Kerry has promise, but he'll never get anywhere unless he starts touting his military service. Joe Lieberman is out of the question - he's too far to the right, and probably a shill for Bush. That leaves Edwards (barf) and Wesley Clark.

I have to admit, I wasn't too sure about Clark at first. There were rumors that he may have supported the war on Iraq, but I suspect that the press is holding him accountable for positions he held two weeks ago purely out of spite. By dredging up everything he said yesterday and comparing them to what he said today, the Republicans simply prove how afraid of him they are. So he's a little inconsistent...that just means he's flexible.

So I am strongly leaning towards putting my support behind Wesley Clark for president. He has a military record, so he has the appearance of being strong on defense while deep down inside, he's just a big, huggable teddy bear. He's a steely-eyed pillar of human kindness, plus he looks great in a turtleneck. Best of all, he never takes a strong stand on an issue without first consulting Bill Clinton. That's exactly the kind of leader we need to defeat terrorism at home and abroad.

Bush Angers Our Latin American Allies
Now that he's got the French to hate us, Bush has carried on Reagan's legacy of alienating our Latin American allies as well. At an Americas summit in Mejico, Bush drew fire for his "perverse" economic policies, which have turned the once prosperous, utopian nations of Central and South America into festtering cesspools of poverty and corruption.

"After the 1980s -- the so-called lost decade -- the 90s was a decade of despair," said Brazil's Presidente Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva, who called for new policies to tackle poverty directly. "It was a perverse model that wrongly separated the economic from the social, put stability against growth and separated responsibility and justice."

Presidente Nestor Kirchner of Argentina agreed. "We suffer pressures, incomprehension and delays from international organizations which do not appear to understand our need to grow," he said. "It is unacceptable to insist on recipes that have failed."

Bush, the so-called "compassionate conservative", refused to simply GIVE our neighbors one measly dime without requiring something in return. "Over the long-term, trade is the most certain path to lasting prosperity," he bloviated.

"Does the shark make demands of the remora?" Mexican President Vicente Fox asked of Bush. "Does the drowning goat require something in return from the lowly pirahna, even as they nibble away at his flesh? How many starving, emaciated, AIDS-infected children will it take before you open your heart, your wallet, and your borders?"

The Gospel of St. Paul
It looks like the Bushies are ready to crucify another martyr. Paul O'Neill, who makes a damning indictment against Dumbya in his new book, is being probed by the pentagon for allegedly airing classified documents on his 60 Minutes interview last Sunday. Whether they were "classified" or not remains to be all depends on the meaning of the word "classified". But the documents prove beyond all shadow of a doubt that Bush's meglomaniacal Rush to War was cleverly plotted for over two years. The most damning document was one titled "Plan for Post-Saddam Iraq", in which Shrub and his cronies laid out their devious blueprint for Hussein's overthrow. These papers, plus Bush's lack of any coherent postwar strategy that involved France, vindicate Howard Dean for his crusade to shine the light of truth on Bush's unholy, unplanned, premptive attack on a sovereign nation.

Paul O'Neill, a Man of the People, true American Patriot.

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