Move It On Over
Alright, I went and did it: I moved the whole shebang over to Typepad. The new BlameBush is up and ready to go. I'll leave this blog up to preserve any permalinks, but all my new posts will be at the new URL. Once again, that's:

See you there, fascists!

I have just seen Bush's new campaign ads and I have never been more disgusted in my entire life! He's sunk to a new low, using the tragedy of 9/11 for his own twisted political campaign. But my rage pales in comparison to the shock and betrayal family members of the victims must be feeling. In fact, they've been calling into NPR for the past hour to express their anger over Bush's hateful exploitation of the tragic event.

"I'm outraged!" said one horrified family member who had just seen the TV spots. "I haven't been this outraged since George Bush dragged that poor black man to death behind his pick-up truck in Texas. It's like he's killing my father all over again."

"How DARE he exploit the events of 9/11 for his political gain?" screamed Lisa Alexander, president of 9/11 Victims for John Kerry. "I was going to vote for him, but now I'd sooner put Saddam Hussein in office than that cruel-hearted monster."

Tom Radke, president of the International Firefighters Union, took time out from campaigning for John Kerry to blast Bush as well. "The events of 9/11 should not be used for anyone's political gain," he told NPR. "And as we've been saying since 9/12, George Bush has not given one dime to the fighterfighters unions, so he obviously doesn't care about the hundreds of brave men and women in uniform who died in those buildings. Bush should not only be prohibited from using such imagery in his ads, he shouldn't be allowed to mention 9/11 at all. Or Terrorism, for that matter."

I couldn't agree more. The events of 9/11 were not merely a tragic hiccup in American history - they also caused an unfortunate upswelling of mindless, flag-waving jingoism that we're just now starting to make people forget. We progressives have worked too hard to return America to a state of helpless, self-loathing to have Bush throw us right back to the days of neathderthal, chest-thumping patrotism now. John Kerry needs to fight fire with fire and start running on his service in the Vietnam War.

It may seem like a drastic, desperate tactic to some - up until now, we've been content to simply use poverty and disease to our political benefit. But if Bush is going to fight dirty, then so should we.

Attention Bible-thumpers!
Someone must have linked to this blog from the 700 Club website, because there have been a few angry, bigoted remarks from intolerant, right-wing bible-thumpers in the comments section of late.

Let it be known that your holier-than-thou proselytzing is wasted on me, as I'm already a believer. On any given Sunday, you'll find me at the First Church of Progressive Christian Enlightenment in downtown Seattle, worshipping the Creator in my own way. But while mainstream Christian churches preach intolerance and impose unrealistic expectations of wholesome goodness on their parishioners, the FCPCE accepts everyone for who they are, and joyfully celebrates their differences.

Remember, Christ taught us to love one another above all else. His House should be a Temple of Love, not hate. So while your church encourages hatred and violence towards gays, we openly welcome people of all sexual orientations into the congregation. In fact, we invite them to have gay sex right there in the pews, before the eyes of an all-loving God.

You see, at my church we don't get hung up on the opressive dogma of sin and damnation, but rather encourage people to explore and express their love for their fellow man without fear of judgement. That way, people can enjoy all the benefits of being "righteous" without having to give up the pleasures of living, or what you call "sin".

After all, did Moses not come down from the Matterhorn and say unto the people, "Behold, I bring to you this one Commandment: Anything goes."? He would have, if he were alive today. We Progressive Christians believe that the Bible is a living, breathing document to be interpreted in light of the times we live in, not by the dictates of an ancient culture where slavery was legal and divorced women were stoned to death in the street. We believe that the true path to Heaven is a level playing field, where ALL people, saints and sinners alike can walk through the pearly gates and into the loving embrace of the Almighty.

So keep your snotty little Bible quotes to yourselves. It is I who should be preaching to YOU. I'm ahead of the times. The rest of you need to get hip to the scene.

No Blood for Mangos!
Unable to repair the damage he has done to Haiti, Bush has opted to kidnap the democratically elected Jean-Luc Aristide in a brutal coup led by goosetepping jarheads. Under the auspices that they were taking him to Las Vegas for a wild weekend of booze, women, and wall-to-wall vomitting, U.S. Marines convinced the trusting Haitian leader to board a military aircraft in the dead of night. It was only after the plane arrived in Central Africa that Aristide realized he'd been HAD. Yet despite being held under close guard by his imperialist captors, Aristide somehow managed place calls to two of our most level-headed congresspersons - Rep. Maxine Waters (D), and Rep. Charles Rangel (D). I am sure Rep. Jim McDermott (D) is waiting anxiously by his phone as well.

"They have taken me to someplace called the 'Palace of the Renaissance'," he told Waters by phone yesterday. "I have no personal servants. Room service is slow. I haven't had a pedicure in hours...and these godawful Marines refuse to kiss my royal ass. It’s like a jail."

Once hailed as "The Mandela of the Caribbean", Aristide enjoyed incredible popularity in Haiti for 8 years under Bill Clinton, and now suddenly his own people want him out? Suddenly, we need to send troops in to "protect" him? It sounds a little far-fetched to me. More likely, Haiti has something Bush wants. But what? Haiti has no oil, the lifeblood of the GOP - but they do have mangos. In fact, next to Mexico and Venezuela, Haiti is the main source of U.S. mango imports. But with Venezuela ticked at Bush for ruining their country, and Mexico's mango exports down to 89%, the U.S. is looking at the possibility of a serious mango shortage. With mangos on high demand, Bush, who has made it the point of his presidency to kidnap beloved leaders of sovereign nations, undoubtedly wants to gain control of Haiti's productive mango fields in order to line the pockets of his rich mango buddies. So he struck a deal with the rebels to remove Aristide in return for first dibs on their mango exports.

If that sounds hard to believe, consider this: As we speak, Jeb Bush, with the help of his big brother, plans to flood several thousand acres of rich Florida mango groves, thus driving up the price of mangos.

It's all right there in black and white, folks. All you have to do is open your eyes.

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